Teaching with Love and Logic

If we try a plan that fails, students will see us as being week.

"[K]ids of all ages yearn for role models who are both strong and caring." Or strong and warm at same time.

For problem student: Think of six things about the student that are positive and that have nothing to do with their school achievement or behavior, just their interests. Say: "I noticed that you like to draw. I noticed that." Kids are more likely to please when they believe we care about them. Maybe say two of these things a week. Don't say "That's great" afterwards. Just say what you've noticed.

You redirect a kid. The longer you stand next to them waiting for them to comply, the less likely they'll be to comply.

"Students need to see that we are caring and powerful enough to establish a safe and orderly classroom."

You don't have to immediately tell a student what the consequence will be for their bad behavior. You can say, "That was a bad decision. I'm going to have to do something about it." "When you don't know what to do...or are too angry to think straight...delay the consequence."

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Five L & L principles:

1. Mutual dignity and respect
2. Sincere empathy
3. Shared thinking
4. Shared control within limits
5. It all points to healthy relationships

How do we earn the admiration and respect of students? Not by being their friend, not by barking orders at them, but by showing that your "yes" always means yes and you're "no" always means no. In other words, never, ever set a limit you cannot enforce. 

Don't tell kids what to do, as this creates a power struggle. NOT, "Keep your hands to yourself," BUT, "I allow students to sit where they like as long as it doesn't cause a problem." Don't tell kid what to do, tell them what you're going to do. E.g., "I listen when kids are talking respectfully. I wash clothes that are placed in the hamper. I take kids places when they are finished with their chores." More:

• Not "Hand your papers in on time," but "I assign full credit to papers handed in on time."
• Not "Quit texting, give me your phone," but "Cell phones are great. I allow them to remain in the room as long as they aren't causing a problem." 
• Not "You need to get a better attitude," but "I'll listen when your voice is calm like mine." 
• Not "You are not joining us for the activity until you have that cleaned up," but "Feel free to join us as soon as that's all put away." 

Formula: "I allow X as long as it doesn't cause a problem." E.g., "I allow students to use in group as long as it doesn't cause a problem." 

Successful teachers set relatively few limits. 

When a child starts to argue, go "brain dead." When student starts to argue, teacher can refer to rule. "I argue at 12:15 and 3:15 daily. What's best for you?" When student argues, teacher can use a one-liner: I know, I love you too much to argue, What did I say?

Once you have relationship with student: When they're doing something wrong, walk over to them and whisper, "Will you X, just for me? Thanks." As you're saying "thanks," begin moving away from them. If they talk back, ignore (keep moving, go back to teaching). This (moving away and ignoring their grumbling) sends a powerful message:  "I believe in you, and I know you will do this for me without a fight." 

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Kids learn from making mistakes when (a) they experience the consequences of their mistakes and (b) adults provide empathy. Bad choices have natural consequences. Adults should not scold and reprimand buy empathize. E.g., If Jane misses the school bus, she has to pay her mom for the trip to school > "I can't imagine how frustrating it was to see the bus pulling away without you." Empathy + The Consequences = Learning. Provide empathy before delivering the consequences. 

"Wow, a late assignment. This has to be really disappointing after all your hard work. Even though I can't give you credit toward your grade, I'd be glad to read it and let you know how you did. Is there anything I can do to help you avoid this kind of problem in the future." "Ohhh, this is unfortunate. Drugs were found in your locker. No matter how much we care for you, we can't stand between these facts and what the district policy says." Cell phone: "It must be great to be so popular. I can understand wanting to text right now. Can you put that way so it doesn't remain a distraction, or would it be better for you to give it to me until the end of class? You decide." 

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Choices. 

"It's all about making little deposits in the form of small choices so that we can make withdrawals when we really need to tell kids what to do." ... When kids resists: "Wait a minute, guys. Who has been making all the decisions here tonight? You have. Now it's my turn."  "We either give kids control on our terms, or they take it on their terms."  "The more control we give away, the more we get back." 

Example: Teacher hands out worksheet with 20 problems; they complain; You only have to do half, and you can decide whether you want to do odd or even ones. She hands out another worksheet: You only have to do nine problems, and you can decide on which ones you want to do.

L&L is not a democracy, kids don't get a vote on everything we do. It's not about giving choices but about giving choices within limits. For each choice, offer two options, each of which will make you happy. 

Provide choices before resistance, not after. When you provide a choice after student has been resistant, you're rewarding their resistance. 

Guidelines for giving choices:

• For each choice, give only two options -- each of which you like.
• If the child d/n choose within a few seconds, choose for them. 
• Provide most of your choices when things are going well. 

None of the choices should actually be threats, e.g., "Put that away or go to the principal's office." 

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The key to creating a good culture in your classroom is to build positive relationships. Start w/ "I noticed...I noticed that."

When a student isn't working, don't say, "You need to get to work," but whisper, "How can I help?"

A L&L teacher greets students every day, standing outside the classroom -- eye contact, smiles, high-fives. One teacher only let students enter the classroom when they were calm -- she knew that if she allowed wild students to cross the threshold, "the context of her room would signal wild behavior." You cannot start class with downtime, it's the kiss of death, students must start working right away.

Predictability is key. Predictability = Safety = Love. E.g,. doing the same thing at the beginning of every class period.

Tardy students: instead of threats/lectures, "I'm glad you are here. I was getting worried about you." The activity in the first 5 minutes must be worth points, students not allowed to make up the activity.

Good teachers don't allow for problems to develop but nip them in the bud.

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Guiding kids to own and solve their problems:

1. Provide empathy -- Miss, I don't have a partner / That's such a bummer. Wow, that's hard. 
2. Ask, "What do you think you're going to do?" -- this sends message that you believe in them and their ability to solve the problem. Many students will respond, "I dunno."
3. Ask, "Would you like to hear what some other students have tried?" -- If they say no, say, "If you change your mind, please let me know." 
4. Provide two or three options, after each one asking, "How will that work for you?" -- e.g., "Some students decide to X. How will that work for you?"
5. "I wish you success with this. Let me know how it goes." -- It's tempting to tell students which option we think is the best. Resist this temptation, as we're stealing the student's chance to feel good about himself/herself (if things go well) and if things don't go well, we're stealing their opportunity to take personality responsibility and learn from their mistake.  

Step 4 example: "He called me a ___." Some students decided to (a) let this ruin their day, (b) smile at the other student and confuse them by saying, "Thanks, I appreciate the honest feedback," (c) remember that kids usually say things like that bc they are feeling really low about themselves.

When you can't think of an example, have an energy drain:

1. Tell student that their behavior drained your energy -- "Oh man, when you X, it really drained my energy." 
2. Ask, "How are you going to put that energy back into me (or the class)?" (This is restitution, e.g., pick up litter from the floor, return books to appropriate classrooms.) 
3. Apply "Guiding Students to Own and Solve Their Problems." ("Would you like to hear what some other students have done to replace energy in my class?") 

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Do not provide consequences (e.g., taking away recess) from students who are not working but who are not creating problems for others. This gets us out of power struggle w/ them. Student must still face natural consequences. Empathy needed. "Oh, Damien, I can't imagine how bad you must feel. I had to assign a zero because I never received your paper. Please let me know how I can help. I believe in you."

The job of teachers is to figure out what students do well and help them figure out how to turn that into a career someday. Students are more willing to take risks in areas of weakness if we first build them up in areas of strength. When student does something well, ask, "How did you do that?" E.g., "You completed number nine correctly. How did you do that?"

"For reluctant students to become motivated to learn and achieve, they must experience success at least 95 percent of the time they apply a reasonable level of sustained effort."


Quick and Easy Classroom Interventions

How to Create a Love and Logic Classroom