Everyday Parenting Toolkit -- Alan Kazdin

ANTECEDENTS

Prompts are antecedents that directly instruct a specific behavior, e.g., "Please pick up the clothes on your floor now." Prompts can be verbal instructions, written or physical cues, gestures, physical guidance, and modeling. It is most effective to combine different prompts -- e.g., "Saying, let's go clean your room" and then modeling the behavior..

Fading refers to the gradual removal of a prompt. You might start by saying, "Hold your fingers like this" and gradually only say, "Fingers." You can also start to prompt less frequently.

Misc. Open-ended prompts and imperious commands are less effective. So "Please bring me the phone" is more effective than "Could you bring me the phone?" (as the child could answer, "No"). It's important to say "Please" and to talk in a warm tone. A harsh tone and non-smiling face can lead to non-compliance. If there's even a whiff of coercion in a plan, the child will be less likely to comply. People tend to be risk-averse, and the child responds to someone trying to force him to do X believing that X is bad for him.

Setting Events influence behavior without offering a prompt. E.g., reading to a child before bed will help her better transition to sleep. Offering a challenge is a good setting event, e.g., "I bet you can't do this" or, "It's okay if you can't do it now, because it's really hard for a kid your age, but maybe when you're older..." // Understanding is a poor motivator to comply with a request; e.g., smokers know that smoking is harmful. Social Norming is much more effective. For example, if a hotel encourages guests to reuse towels by explaining how it's good for the environment, it won't have much success. However, if the hotel encourages guests to reuse towels by noting that most guests reuse towels, it will have more success -- e.g., "Three out of four people who have stayed in this room have reused their towels" and then make the request. To child: "You don't have to brush your teeth now, because you'll be able to do it when you're a bigger boy" >> you're (a) giving choice, (b) giving challenge, (c) social norming. You don't want to compare child to older sibling; you need to imply that many, many people like him carry out the behavior.

High- and Low-Probability Requests. The probability of a child complying with a low-probability request can be greatly increased by preceding it with two or three high-probability. If your child normally resists doing 20 minutes of homework, first ask her to do something she's more likely to do, like feeding the fish.

Choice. If a child feels like he has a choice to do something, she's more likely to do it. Might work: "Please put on a jacket, we're going out side." More likely to work: "Please put on a jacket or a sweater -- it's your choice -- and we'll go outside." "You can practice your violin before we eat or right after dinner." Not much of a choice: "Either do this, or else." Saying "Please" implies choice.

More. Try to use a prompt and setting event together. // Children more likely to comply to request when you're close to them.

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BEHAVIOR

Setting Goals. Begin by telling child what you want her to do, not what you don't want her to do. Identify the positive opposite of the behavior you want to eliminate.

Three Ways to work on building up the behavior you want: Shaping, Simulation, Jump-Starting.Choose the one that best fits where your child is right now.

Shaping. Start with this if you're seeing bits and pieces of the behavior you want. You shape a behavior, gradually developing it and locking it in, by providing rewarding consequences for small portions, components or approximations of the behavior you want. E.g., if we want a child to do an hour of homework, start with brief periods, maybe five minutes. E.g., child refuses to eat vegetables at dinner; implement point system: child earns two points if he just puts vegetables on his fork and touches his lips with it; after three dinners, parents said that now to get points, he had to taste vegetables and would get double points if he swallowed... // First error in shaping: Moving too quickly to desire behavior and not rewarding the steps needed to get there. Second error in shaping: Some parents mistakenly provide incentives for outcomes rather than progress along the way.

Simulation. Start with this if you're not seeing the desired behavior at all or very rarely. Simulation is practice under artificial conditions. E.g., role-playing. E.g., Lia had an explosive tantrum any time she didn't get her way; her mother said, "I have an idea for a new game I would like to play. This is called the Tantrum Game..." The goal of the game is to see if Lia can have a good tantrum. "If you have a good tantrum, you earn tickets that I have here, and with these tickets you can earn some great rewards." Good tantrum: You can get upset but cannot scream or hit anyone. "In one minuteI'm going to say no to you. This is just pretend, but I'm going to say, 'No, you can't watch TV tonight.' If you say back to me, 'Why not?' in a calm voice without crying or hitting me, you can earn a ticket." This program will be repeated the next day and the next; the child should have many opportunities within a fairly brief time.

Jump-Starting. Start with this if the child has done the desired behavior many times before but doesn't do it often enough or consistently enough. Also known as "response-priming," Jump-Starting refers to getting the child into early steps in a sequence or chain of responses; doing the early steps in a sequence increases the probability of performing the rest of the steps." E.g., Oscar's dad is concerned that Oscar never exercises. Dad asks Oscar to throw football with him, but Oscar refuses. Dad then asks Oscar to come to football field while Dad plays football but Dad tells Oscar that he doesn't have to play, Dad just wants to spend good time with him. Once Oscar is at football field and with children his age who want to play football, Oscar is more likely to play football.

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CONSEQUENCES

Consequences are what happens after the behavior: reward, punishment, or nothing at all.

Reinforcers (aka positive reinforcement). A reward is something that a person likes and regards as valuable; a reinforcer is something that is shown to increase behavior if employed systematically as a consequence following behavior. Sometimes children do not recognize that they value certain reinforcers (e.g., praise). Two most useful reinforcers: Praise/Attention and Point Chart.

Praise/Attention: Paying attention to a specific behavior and delivering approval for it in the form of a positive statement, smile, a touch.

Point Chart (aka token economy).

Reinforcement-Based Techniques for Reducing or Eliminating Behaviors:

1. Identify the positive opposite, the goal toward which you want to work. 
2. Reinforcing other behavior that isn't quite the positive opposite. In other words, reinforce everything the child does other than the undesired behavior. E.g., teacher wants child to sit quietly in desk, not walk on desks and talk. Teacher starts by praising student when he stands by desk but doesn't talk. 
3. Reinforcing disruptive behaviors when they happen less often. E.g., student always bullying peers. Teacher starts by saying student can have reward if he doesn't bully anyone for first 15 minutes of class; after a few days of success, teacher ups time to 30 minutes. 

How to Use Positive Reinforcers:

1. Provide the reinforcer (e.g., praise) immediately after the behavior occurs. 
2. State exactly why the reinforcer is given; in other words, "Good job!" isn't very effective. 
3. Use a high-quality reinforcer. E.g., when offering praise, be effusive and enthusiastic. E.g., combine verbal praise with touch. 
4. As the behavior is developing, try to provide the reinforcer every time the behavior occurs. 

Misc.: (1) Praise is more effective than points. When child earn points, make sure to often praise. Often praise alone does the trick. (2) Early in developing behavior there should be no or minimal delay b/t the desire behavior and the consequence.

Punishments (aka extinction). Research shows that when punishment is useful, it's as a secondary adjunct to positive reinforcement. Punishment in this context is used to change behavior, not to serve justice, etc.

Three types of punishment:

1. Things you present to the child (aka aversive consequences) -- giving the child something she dislikes, e.g., shouting, spanking, threatening. Most of these do not work well. Research shows that frequent reprimands actually make undesirable behavior occur more frequently. 
2. Things you take away (aka withdrawal of positive events) -- taking away something the child likes, e.g., time out, removing a point from a point sheet. She more on time out below.  
3. Things you require your child to do -- e.g., requiring her to do a chore. This punishment should be brief.

Time Out:

• Time out involves taking away the child's access to such positive reinforcers as interaction with peers, participation in activities, privileges, or the teacher's attention. 
• Time out can be very brief to be effective; just the first minute or couple of minutes does the work of changing behavior. More time out does not make it more effective, and more than about ten minutes can begin to have negative side effects. Time Out works, not because the child is forced to contemplate her sins; it works on pigeons, rats, and other animals. The effectiveness of time out depends on a brief, temporary loss of access to the usual reinforcers, and that's all. 
• Ideally, all sources of reinforcement are withdrawn (e.g., child sent to room should not have access to TV). 
• Example of Time Out: Planned Ignoring (e.g., child hits you, and you ignore her for one or two minutes >> no talking, no eye contact >> this is more effective than grabbing her hand and telling her not to hit you).
• Time out must be used sparingly b/c the side effects of excessive punishment are more significant than any benefits the time out might have. No more than 2-3 a day. 
• Time out should be immediate, right after the offense. 

If the punishment doesn't at least slightly decrease the undesirable behavior within a day or two, it's probably not going to ever work. 

Punishment usually does not have the enduring effect of reducing and eliminating behavior. Recovery from Punishment: the child adapts to the punishment, causing the unwanted behavior to go back to its pre-punishment rate. 

Undesirable Side Effects of Punishment:

• Escape and avoidance -- child will be more likely to get away from a person (e.g., teacher) or situation (e.g., school) that is frequently associated with punishment, meaning she'll be less likely to seek out teacher in time of need. Children also less likely to approach adults who punish frequently. 
• Modeled punishment -- when children get hit a lot by their parents, they're more likely to be aggressive with peers.

If child refuses time out... Give one -- just one warning: "Once more, I am asking you to go to time out." If child still refuses, then no warnings, no lectures. Just say, "OK, you lose TV privileges tonight" or whatever else you had decided in advance would be the lost privilege. And you walk away -- calmly -- to avoid the ensuing back-and-forth. The child must know in advance what the penalty will be for refusing time out. Say: "If you don't go straight into time out when I tell you to, you will lose computer time for the rest of the day."

How to Use Punishment:

• Punishment should only play a minor role in the behavior-change program. Punishment alone doesn't work; what's needed is reinforcement of the positive opposite. Research shows that a strong reinforcement program can be enhanced by very occasional punishment. E.g., the effectiveness of time-out depends on what you're doing during time-in. For every time you use time-out, be sure the positive opposite behavior is reinforced 4-5 times. 
• Keep punishment mild. E.g., if a child breaks curfew, taking away her iPad for 1-2 days is just as effective as taking it away for 1-2 weeks. More is not better in punishment, b/c more is not more effective and it produces more bad side effects. 
• Do not use as punishing consequences any activities you want your child to like -- e.g., doing extra homework, having to read more in an assigned book, writing an essay about why the behavior was wrong. We want children to like reading, writing, etc. 
• Punishment should occur immediately after the behavior. 
• Punish consistently and try to catch every instance of misbehavior. 
• Punishment will not work if the behavior is also being reinforced. E.g., a child blurts out in class might be reinforced by peers laughing; giving that child time out after he received laughter is too late to be effective, as delayed negative consequences do not overcome immediate reinforcing consequences. 

The research shows that punishment is wildly overrated and overused as a way of changing behavior, but the science does not quite support being categorically opposed to it. When used properly, even just a mild look of disapproval can be punishment, and it can be a useful adjunct to change behavior.