The Autonomic Nervous System controls the automatic systems in your body that you don’t think about - things like breathing, digestion and heart rate...When you are calm, your body is in what is known as "rest and digest" mode. Your breathing is normal, your muscles are relaxed and your heart rate is normal. When you experience a stressful event your body automatically goes into what is known as "flight, fight or freeze" mode. Your heart rate increases, your stomach stops digestion and your breathing becomes more shallow...The goal of calming exercises is to get yourself from 'flight, fight or freeze' mode back to "rest and digest" mode. Deep breathing helps get more oxygen into your bloodstream, opening up your capillaries. It has a physical effect on your body to help you calm down and lower stress.
- Deep breathing with a pinwheel
- Deep breathing with bubbles
- Deep breathing with prompts
- Deep breathing with shapes (square, lazy 8, star, triangle)
- Deep breathing with a stuffed animal
- Deep breathing with a feather
- Deep breathing using your hand
- Explosion breaths
- Hands to shoulders
- Hoberman sphere
- Volcano breaths
(2) Mindfulness Meditation
- Focus on sounds
- Take a mindful walk
- Yoga
- Imagine your favorite place
- Have a mindful snack
(3) Grounding Techniques
Grounding is a way to deal with overwhelming emotions. It’s another way to practice staying in the present moment, not focusing on the past or the future. You can do grounding techniques wherever you are. The hope is that, after a few minutes, you will be in a calmer place.
- 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique (look-feel-listen-smell-taste)
- Self-talk about the present
- Quick mental grounding techniques: think of your favorite things, picture people you care about, say the alphabet slowly, remember the words to a song you love
- Quick physical grounding techniques: run water over your hands, carry a small object in your pock, touch things around you, move, make a fist and release it, clap and rub your hands together, splash water on your face
(4) Other Calming Techniques
- Progressive muscle relaxation
- Positive self-talk
- Take a shower or bath
- Take a drink of water
- Counting
- Block out sounds with noise-canceling headphones
- Take a break
- Homemade lava lamp
- Zen garden
- Calming jar
- Use your senses
- Trace a pattern
- Tea time or hot cocoa time
* * * * *
Distracting Coping Skills
There isn’t anything you can do, but you may keep thinking and thinking about it, to the point of being unable to focus at school. Then it’s time to take your mind off that stress by doing something else. Using a distraction coping skill isn’t a way to avoid the problem. Rather, it’s a way to manage dealing with situations that can’t be solved or aren’t changing.
- Write a story
- Crossword/Sudoku
- Bake or cook
- Community service
- Random act of kindness
- Read a good book
- Clean
- Play with a pet
- Play a board game
- Play a video game
- Play with a friend
- Start a new hobby
- Laughter
- Your favorite things
* * * * *
Physical Coping Skills
When your body goes into flight, fight or freeze mode, you suddenly have a ton of energy running through your body. If you do things to help get rid of that energy, then you’re on your way to calming down and getting back to the rest and digest state.
(1) Small Physical Movements
- Squeeze something (you can make your own)
- Shred paper: If you wanted to, you could even write down on a paper the things that are making you mad, sad, etc., and then rip it up and throw it out.
- Bubble wrap
- Keep your hands busy: Jacob's ladder, hold a small stone, shuffle cards, make something (knit, quilt), fidget toys
- Move different parts of your body
(2) Big Physical Movements
- Go for a walk
- Exercise
- Dance
- Obstacle course
- Swing
- Rhythm and music
* * * * *
Processing Coping Skills
These next activities are designed to help you identify and process your thoughts and feelings. The first section focuses on getting a better understanding of your feelings. The next section is focused on helping you express your thoughts and feelings safely.
(1) Identifying Thoughts and Feelings
- Make a feelings book
- Intensity of feelings: Feelings can have a range of intensity - from mild to really strong intensity. It’s important to identify not only what sorts of feelings you have, but also how intense they are...Being able to identify what you are feeling, and how much you are feeling, is the first step to managing your emotions, thoughts and behaviors.
- Feelings thermometer
- Where do I feel things in my body
- Understanding my triggers
- 5 levels of stress
- Stress map
- Track my stress
- Create happiness keepers: make a box, make a collage, keep a happiness notebook
(2) Expressing thoughts and feelings
- Journaling: Whenever I sit down and talk with someone about their coping skills, one of the first things I ask is if they have tried writing about it. Why do I always start with journaling as a way of processing through difficult feelings? It’s easier to write about, than talk about, hard things. It’s a collection of your personal private thoughts...Journaling helps you process what’s happening. When you write, you mull over things in your head, and that sometimes helps you come to new realizations about the issues you are dealing with at the present time. Or even come to new realizations about issues in the past...It can help you reframe your thinking. Writing can help you focus on the positives, too. It helps to write down three things you are grateful for or three things that went well during the past day or week. This is especially helpful if you have been writing about difficult experiences. End the writing session by focusing on the positives.
- In a perfect world: Things in life aren’t always ideal. It’s nice to think about what life would be like in a perfect situation. What would things be like at school or at home if things were perfect? Thinking about what would make things ideal can help you process what you aren’t happy about. It can help you identify what things stress you out or really bother you.
- Expressing emotions using creative outlets: write songs, poetry, music, draw, sculpt
- Talking to someone your trust (roses and thorns): Talking to someone helps you process your feelings. You can use the other person as a sounding board to get ideas for dealing with your current problem, or you could just have someone listen as you vent. One thing I love to do with my own children is hear about their “roses” and “thorns” from the day. Their roses are good, happy, positive things that happened. Their thorns are tough, negative or sad things that happened during the day.
- Create a playlist
- Write what's bothering you, rip it up, and throw it away: Maybe you want to yell at someone, but you know you can’t. Or maybe you want to say things you know you shouldn’t. Instead of saying them, write them down. Once you’ve written down all the things you want to say, then rip up the piece of paper and throw it away. It’s a great release to write then rip it up.
- Comic strip of what happened/draw a different solution
- Write a letter to someone
- I wish...
- I statements
- What I can control v. what I can't control
- Worry box
- Draw what you wish happened
- One good thing
* * * * *
Putting it all together
- My Coping Skills sheet
- Skills to Try sheet
- Coping Skills Cue Cards
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