Competency #10: Supervise two first/second visits

(November 27) I recently supervised a second visit. I was happy for the learning experience of supervising a duad that was new to Karlis, that might not feel incredibly comfortable there and might not know the rules well. The visit--a mother and her three-year-old son--went well. The mother played with her son the entire visit and never said or did anything inappropriate. She seemed nervous, however, and looked up at me several times during the visit. The son was reluctant to initially go back to the visiting room--I don't think he understood whom he was going to see--but after that he gave no indication that he felt uncomfortable.

After the visit had ended, I checked in with the mother. Throughout the visit I had tried to put myself in her shoes and had surmised that, being new to this experience, she probably felt judged. I imagine that many visiting parents feel judged, but this feeling must be more intense for parents new to the center. So I said something that I normally don't say to parents: "It's probably really stressful playing with your son while some stranger is sitting down with a clipboard, watching you and taking notes." She nodded her head. "Well I'm only writing down positive things," I said, holding up my clipboard. "You're so good with him." "Really?" "Oh, of course. You're so attentive and reassuring, and you do such a great job playing with him."

* * * * *

(Mid-January) I supervised another second visit. This is more what I was expecting, with the visiting parent breaking some rules. A dad visiting his infant son who kept bad-mouthing the mom. I didn't intervene during the visit. The baby obviously doesn't understand the dad's words, and I feared that intervening might really frustrate the dad, which might in turn be felt by the son. So after the visit, I went in with the sandwich approach: praise in the beginning and end, corrective feedback in the middle. He didn't take my feedback as well as I had hoped. I could tell he felt really embarrassed, beaten up. So I just heaped on more praise, telling him that he was really great with his son. I don't think he walked out of the facility on Cloud Nine, but I showed him respect, and I suspect that he'll appropriately modify his behavior in the future.